I don't have friends

It might sound really weird, especially if you know me, but I really do not have friends.
I have boys
I have my girls
I have my bestie
I have my ride or die
and I have my situation.
I have come to a point in my life where calling someone a "friend" just doesn't cut it. It doesn't seem to explain the complex relationship I have with EVERYONE. Yes everyone. There is not one person that I am truly close with that I have a simple friendship with.
I miss that I need that

When I was younger I made a "best friend" everywhere I went, with the full knowledge that I may never see that little boy or girl again. But it didn't matter. For those 2-3 hours we were in the same room, I had a new best friend.
Now I have people I have known for years and yet they are looking a little unfamiliar to me.
Some are my "friends" because we have mutual friends
Some are my "friends" because we've gone through so much crap together
And others are my "friends" because we'd rather have that then not have each other at all

Is it wrong I just want a simple friendship back?

I don't have friends.....I have explanations

I have come to realize that everyone's definition of what is a "friend" is different, and I've yet to meet someone who's definition fits mine.

It's not that I'm not that forgiving, its just I'm not that accepting. I would say I'm working on it, but that would be a lie.

Thoughts

He said he was thinking of me and wanted to see how I was doing....



Who would have thought those words would have been enough to prove that a broken heart still beats.

My Prince

So we all have that one childhood show that we cherish. I grew up watching Sailor Moon. (go ahead judge me)
That show offered me peace, laughter, and most of all hope. I hoped to one day meet my very own "Darien" (for those of you who do not know who that is...google it lol).

After my last relationship, I found myself going back to what I want in a man. (not to say my ex didnt have it, but more I was not in the position to convince him). I was brought back to Darien. He was kind and patient and sweet. Exactly what I would want when I and in my bitchy moods demanding things left and right. I saw a glimpse of my Darien in him, but I guess it was too soon to tell.

I loved this show, gives me something to look forward to

Short and Simple

"I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met"- The Wedding Date

When Music Speaks

This is possibly THE WORST album to listen to while nursing a broken heart. And that is why I love it.

It's Been a While

It's been awhile....

Yea that's all I could come up with.
I haven't seen your or heard from you in weeks and quite frankly I am proud of myself.
There was a time where your name was the first thing on my lips in the morning and the last thought in my mind before I went to sleep. Yea that time was yesterday.
I cannot seem to bring myself to forget you, it might have something to do with the fact that not so deep down I don't want to.
I often tell myself I'd rather not love at all than have to love from afar. To have to act like I do not care, act like I wouldn't lay my pride down in a second, for you, for us.
But I cannot afford to sacrifice myself anymore than I already have. If my worth is so great, I at the very least need to keep my currency up.
I need to wake up in the morning and get all the way dressed. Not some half assed excuse for an outfit but a full outfit with make-up dammit!
I need to force myself to bypass all those feelings of worry, and concern for you.

Why is the space I am giving you suffocating me?-----
I don't really expect an answer
I've reached the point where words are not enough.

Its been awhile
Lets see how long its really going to take

Things She Should Have Said

Things that were thought but never said:

I hate you please don't leave

But I did everything for your sorry ass I would do it again in a heartbeat

You aint sh.t  you are everything to me

You will never find another like me I'm afraid you will find someone else

You were never worth my time I lost count of the minutes and seconds I spent daydreaming about your kiss your smile your....

After this moment I will never think of you again Everything reminds me of you

I'm fine, it wasn't meant to be But I prayed and wished on every night star for our future

I wish them the best As long as they are single I will be ok

I guess I never loved you anyway I'm still waiting to stop

You are the best thing I never had (circa Beyonce) If given the chance I would be back again